Lao Vision Magazine - Summer 2003

by Check Kirivong

Transitioning into adulthood is marked by independence and decision-making. Deciding whom you want to begin a relationship with is a major decision. Higher visibility of mixed-race relationships in pop culture, along with changing ideals within different racial groups, has helped increased the level of acceptance towards interracial dating and even marriage in the United States. Each interracial relationship is different. Over the years, I have learned a great deal about dealing with the pressures of being interracially involved.

I have learned that developing relationships is difficult in general, and cultural differences introduce another level of intricacy. Two people from two dissimilar cultures bring a vast amount of differences, and the usual problems of varying attitudes, values, and customs are amplified. It is important to know and understand your attitudes and value system when entering any relationship. Consider what bears great importance to you: religion, career, education, family, children, etc. Keep in mind that the environment that a person grows up in does shape their values and opinions.

I have learned that interracial dating has all the ups and downs of any relationship-idealistic expectations, baggage from past romances, the joy of togetherness, and the fear of abandonment. In my opinion, the key to creating a successful interracial partnership is to avoid spending valuable time developing strategies to cope with societal discrimination. Instead couples should spend their energies identifying and working through cultural differences that arise. A genuine effort to understand another person goes a long way in the path to communication. Effective communication is an essential part of any satisfying relationship. Thus, it is important to acknowledge that different cultures communicate differently. For example, it is considered respectful in the American culture to look someone in the eyes when talking. This gesture is not true of all cultures. In the Asian culture, eye contact is considered a sign of disrespect. If both partners do not understand the other's communication norms, misunderstandings are bound to occur. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open. If you cannot communicate, does it reflect on cultural or individual differences?

I have learned that people in serious interracial relationships have great self-esteem as each person has opted to take a chance. They have entered into a relationship that might not be acceptable by the prejudices of their own family or friends. Many critics of interracial relationships attribute them to the lure of the exotic; seldom to love and genuine friendship. Many do not understand the deep soul-searching that is involved in interracial relationships. I know of such relationships and am sure that most of you can unfortunately relate when one partner is disowned by his or her parents or was ostracized by families and friends for loving across racial lines. Interracial couples, in contrast, seldom take anything for granted, least of all each other.

Maintaining a satisfying interracial relationship takes work. All relationships have problems and interracial relationships are no different. Dating should not be about social acceptance or approval. If you limit your relationships to merely conform to normative beliefs, you have missed the big picture. In order for our society and our Laotian community to progress and to move beyond those stereotypes and notions of the past, it will take young people-most importantly young mature people to make the change. We must think critically and make our own decisions, because when all is said and done, we are the ones that will have to live with it.